Today I woke up late for school. I don't even know how that was possible, but I think I might have tried to take a nap in my dorm room, and woke up too late for first hour. After throwing on pants and a shirt, I left for class late.
Sleepy, but good, I stumbled into second hour thinking I knew what I was doing. Only later would I realize that my shirt "clearly didn't match my shoes." What the hell is that supposed to mean? They also began asking me about why I wasn't in first hour. I was made a laughingstock for the next hour of excruciating english.
Red-faced, I ran back to my dorm room, and promptly had an anxiety attack. Luckily, my roommate had returned, and comforted me.
If there was one thing that buoyed my sanity during the first few stressful days of living as a girl, it was Sarah. She helped me with my essay, assisted me with my mess of hair, and comforted me when I cried. When I was a boy, I found her to be rather eccentric, and almost scary. She would randomly burst into song at times, and with her bubbly attitude, no one could tell if she would suddenly laugh, or attack one of her friends with a joke or tickle assault. Now, as her roommate, I've seen her soft side, and it really changes the whole way I felt about her.
After crying in her shoulders for a few minutes, she lifted me up onto my feet.
You're going to be ok, she said, they were just teasing, they don't know any better, they don't know about you...
For a moment, I thought she knew about everything. Then all illusions were dispelled as she told me something even more shocking.
I'm adopted. I knew there was something strange about me being a white person in an Asian family, but now it made sense. One thing that really confused me that I had changed gender and ethnicity. It didn't seem to make sense to me, but then again, neither did me becoming a girl. Either way, I never really took it into consideration much until now.
I know it was something I was supposed to have already dealt with a few months in advance, but I began to cry again anyway. This meant that most of my third hour I had spent in my room, in my roommate's arms.
After an hour and a box of tissues, I was ready to head to my next class. Which happened to be my free hour.
We lightened my spirits by getting some ice cream with the others in my study group. Suddenly my study group seems much closer than before. We were all making christmas cards, and I tried my own hand at it. Strangely, the ones I made were pretty good. Kate commented on them, saying she wouldn't put as much effort into them as I had.
Lunch involved me again joining a large group of girls, most of whom were too busy talking about Taylor's crush to notice me and my mismatched clothing.
Then I moved to Chinese and Math, both of which were boring. During Math I sat in the back of the class, the first time in a long time, so I could hide from teasing girls and the teacher.
I felt a little better after school got out. One of my friends, Erica, had rehearsal today, and I went with her so she could have company. Steve texted me asking me why I wasn't at first hour. We had a small convo, and then I went to the dining hall to eat dinner. And here I am.
So, things to note today:
-Go to sleep earlier.
-Clothing is important and has to match with shoes.
-I am capable of anxiety attacks.
-My roommate is so awesome.
-I'm an orphan in this reality.
-Still, nothing. I have no word from Twilight, Leafwing, or anyone else.
Tomorrow is the first day of rehearsal for me, and so I'm gonna see what part I have.